HOME FROM FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL 

had left over pasta for lunch

now im just chilling debating yoga later tonight

I SHOULD TRY TO SLEEP NOW 

BUT I DONT THINK ILL BE ABLE TO

I SET MY ALARM FOR 5:15 AM

ITS TIME FOR GRAD SCHOOL

took a hot bath with eucalyptus epsom salt with candles and while listening to Ed Sheerans new album

wow it was nice

feeling more relaxed about tomorrow

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

DROPPED THE CASH TO GET A GYM MEMBERSHIP 

MAMA NEEDS HER DEAD LIFTS

NOW MAMA CANT GET OFF THE BED

yay moderate panic attacks about financial security and future career plans for our family

 

Yep, I miss being proud of my callouses and my back. Definitely getting

Although now I need a gym by my parents house, I think I’m going to end up going to the local rec center attached to my old high school (yikes!) Its gonna be a trip to the past, but I miss dead lifts.

That’s it. I’m biting the bullet and getting a gym membership. I wanna be strong again.

I’ve been avoiding making this post for a long time

fitforfighting:

but I finally realized that I cannot sit here and blog about body positivity and self acceptance without addressing it.

Here I am when I first made my fitblr account during freshman year of college at ~184 lbs.

image

Here I am a little over a year later at ~154 lbs…

image

image

Seems like a great success story, right? I was exercising at least 6 times a week, training for a half marathon and prepping for a national Tae Kwon Do collegiate tournament.

I was more active than I had ever been in my adult life and the thinnest I had ever been too. I loved my body and did my best to treat it with health and respect.

Then, in the fall, I started the extremely competitive social work program and I no longer had time to work out 6+ times a week. Instead, I was spending time in study groups and writing papers. I got good grades and expanded everything I thought my professional career could be - for once I felt confident in my intelligence and had the world at my finger tips. 

But, without the time or energy to devote to maintaining my new active lifestyle I gained most of the weight back. 

This was me today; I think I weigh ~185 lbs (I haven’t seriously weighted myself in a long time so I really have no idea what I weigh)

image

I’m not as skinny as I was. In some ways I feel like a hypocrite to tout about fitness and health even though I wasn’t able to maintain my weight loss. 

But I actually love the way I look. I feel sexy and hold my head higher than I ever did before.

And I start my graduate program next week. Freshman year I was in danger of flunking out of college and never dreamed of doing more school, but now I’m starting the road to get my PhD (Masters first!) and have bigger dreams than my next goal weight.

Sure I’d like to be able to lose those 30 lbs again, but I’ve realized that my life and my happiness is tied to way more important things. 

I am going to lose and gain more weight in my life countless times, but as long as I always love myself I will be fine. Also my thunder thighs are amazing and I love not wearing pants.

I’ve been avoiding making this post for a long time

but I finally realized that I cannot sit here and blog about body positivity and self acceptance without addressing it.

Here I am when I first made my fitblr account during freshman year of college at ~184 lbs.

Here I am a little over a year later at ~154 lbs…

Seems like a great success story, right? I was exercising at least 6 times a week, training for a half marathon and prepping for a national Tae Kwon Do collegiate tournament.

I was more active than I had ever been in my adult life and the thinnest I had ever been too. I loved my body and did my best to treat it with health and respect.

Then, in the fall, I started the extremely competitive social work program and I no longer had time to work out 6+ times a week. Instead, I was spending time in study groups and writing papers. I got good grades and expanded everything I thought my professional career could be - for once I felt confident in my intelligence and had the world at my finger tips. 

But, without the time or energy to devote to maintaining my new active lifestyle I gained most of the weight back. 

This was me today; I think I weigh ~185 lbs (I haven’t seriously weighted myself in a long time so I really have no idea what I weigh)

I’m not as skinny as I was. In some ways I feel like a hypocrite to tout about fitness and health even though I wasn’t able to maintain my weight loss. 

But I actually love the way I look. I feel sexy and hold my head higher than I ever did before.

And I start my graduate program next week. Freshman year I was in danger of flunking out of college and never dreamed of doing more school, but now I’m starting the road to get my PhD (Masters first!) and have bigger dreams than my next goal weight.

Sure I’d like to be able to lose those 30 lbs again, but I’ve realized that my life and my happiness is tied to way more important things. 

I am going to lose and gain more weight in my life countless times, but as long as I always love myself I will be fine. Also my thunder thighs are amazing and I love not wearing pants.

Bikini Burn Day 15 - still cute!

Coffee, Tea & Wine